


I Fell In Love With You

by Twinklylightseverywhere



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: AU, M/M, Some angst, Tumblr Prompts, a lot of fluff, but also canon compliant, gay stuff ahead be warned, will throw in trigger warnings for individual chapters as they show up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-05-14 01:00:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 16,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19262782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twinklylightseverywhere/pseuds/Twinklylightseverywhere
Summary: This is an amalgamation of the davenzi prompts that I've written on my tumblr, unendeligtid.





	1. “I just really needed to hear your voice, I guess.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> If you frequent tumblr, you may have already seen these prompts. Nevertheless, I'm posting them here as well in one giant fic full of one-shots that I will try to update on a regular basis. Many of these prompts have already been written, and I am still writing many more as we speak, so stay tuned!
> 
> Also I would just like to put this disclaimer here so that everyone knows: I am a trans man. Everything that I write about David's experiences are based off my own experiences. I am not claiming to know everything about every person's experiences of being trans. This is simply my outlet.
> 
> Note* This first prompt was written before the pool scene in ep 9 aired (Yes im serious i actually predicted it before it happened, but i mean it was kind of obvious lmao)

  1. “I just really needed to hear your voice, I guess.”



 

Matteo doesn't think that he’s ever picked up the phone quite so fast before. 

“Hey,” he says quietly, hesitantly, his heart pounding in his chest.

“Hi,” David responds, voice low, his breaths sounding shallow in his throat. 

Matteo is quiet for a second, wanting to give the David the chance to speak up. David doesn't speak, and Matteo feels his heart breaking. 

“Na?” Matteo asks, attempting to keep his voice light in order to avoid the elephant in the room. 

“I just really needed to hear your voice, I guess.”

David sighs, clearing his throat when his breath catches. Matteo feels his eyes beginning to tear up.

“Where are you?” Matteo chokes out, sniffling in a way that he hopes doesn't give himself away too much. “Can I see you?”

“I don’t know,” David replies, letting out another sigh. In the background, Matteo can hear the noise echo loudly. 

Echoes.

_ Under water. _

“You don’t have to say yes,” Matteo says quickly, sitting up from his bed and straightening his spine. He glances around his room, looking for his jacket. “I just wanted to see you, I guess.”

“Why?”

Matteo stills. He looks to his side, where David took that place in his bed all those weeks ago. 

“So that you’re not alone,” Matteo responds, his voice cracking on the last word. 

David’s breath hitches, and he chokes on a sob. “Okay,” he replies.

Matteo jumps into action again, launching himself off his bed and straight towards his jacket. He holds his phone to his ear as he pulls his arms through each sleeve.

“I’m on my way,” he promises, grabbing his phone with one hand again as he opens his bedroom door.

“You don’t even know where I am,” David replies, letting out a sniffle that echoes into the empty pool.

“Yes I do.”

David lets out a sad chuckle, and Matteo hears a distant  _ thunk, _ probably of his head hitting the wall behind him. “Okay,” he agrees.

“Okay,” Matteo repeats, closing his front door behind him. “I’m on my way.”


	2. “I love you. For real, I mean."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a continuation of the first prompt. Again, this was published before the pool scene in episode 9 actually aired.

  1. “I love you. For real, I mean." 



 

“David?” Matteo calls out into the echoing pool hall, his voice frantic and his breathing laboured.

David smiles, unable to help himself. He wraps his arms around his legs and sighs in relief. He hadn’t realised how much he’d missed Matteo.

“Over here,” David calls out, not even caring when his voice breaks.

Loud footsteps echo as Matteo practically launches himself down the ladder and into the empty pool. The room is almost pitch black, but Matteo has his phone light on, illuminating his figure.

Matteo seems to locate David, because he begins walking in David’s direction, fairly slowly, almost as if approaching a wounded animal.

Finally, after what feels like ages but is probably only a few seconds, Matteo is kneeling down in front of David. He puts his phone down next to them, and the light travels upward, casting shadows onto Matteo’s concerned face.

David can’t help himself. He’s been practically numb ever since Friday afternoon when everything went down. And now, he can’t help himself. He lets out a sob, his hand slapping up to his mouth to muffle the sound, but the damage is already done. 

Matteo launches forward, wrapping his arms around David tightly. David cries for the first time in a long time into Matteo’s shoulder. 

Matteo rocks them back and forth, his hand coming up the caress the back of David’s head.

“I’m so sorry,” Matteo whispers, his own voice sounding choked. “I’m so sorry.”

“I-” David cuts himself off with another sob.

“You don’t have to say anything right now,” Matteo says soothingly, running his fingers through David’s greasy hair. “Just breathe with me, okay?”

David nods into Matteo’s shoulder, his breath catching every so often.

They stay like that for a long time, until the tears on David’s face begin to dry, until he’s breathing deeply, until he’s stopped sniffling. David is exhausted, but somehow, he feels the weight of the world come off his shoulders. The funny thing is, he didn’t even realise that he’d been carrying it in the first place.

Finally, Matteo pulls back, and they look at each other. David knows he must look a mess right now, but Matteo doesn't seem to care. Instead, he wipes the remnants of the tears from David’s cheeks and leans in until their foreheads are touching. 

“You don’t need to hide alone anymore,” Matteo murmurs, his words echoing comfortingly. “I’m here, okay? You are not alone.”

David closes his eyes and leans into the touch, and breathes the first sigh of relief for the first time in a long time.

“I love you,” Matteo continues, his voice catching in his throat. “For real, I mean.”

Another tears falls from David’s eye, but he barely notices it. He feels so warm, so comforted. His heart soars.

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I actually predict this before it happened? Did I actually guess that they would confess their love to each other in this scene, and that the last words would be "I love you too"? Uhhhhh yeah apparently I did. Either I'm really good at guessing things or Druck really did say angsty gay rights!


	3. "Make me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this chapter features soft gremlins. pls be warned

  1. "Make me."



 

Matteo, David decides, is the purest little gremlin in the universe. 

“I need cuddles,” Matteo whines, nosing his way under David’s arm and onto his chest.

“I don’t think anyone technically needs cuddles,” David teases as he raises his arm to let Matteo snuggle. “I think you’re just a softie.”

“Häh?” Matteo snorts, his free hand coming up to rest on David’s stomach. “No way, I’m so tough, you have no idea.”

“Is that so?”

“Uh, yeah?” Matteo retorts, and David chuckles at the boy in his arms. 

“So that’s why tough guys like you need cuddles?” David muses, leaning down to press a kiss to the mop of Matteo’s hair. 

“Shut up,” Matteo replies, practically melting at the small display of affection.

“Holy shit, you’re so cute,” David proclaims, reaching up with his other arm to hug his boyfriend tighter.

“Shut  _ up,” _ Matteo repeats, but not making any attempts to stop the onslaught of affection. David’s heart melts.

“Make me,” David retorts, looking down at his boyfriend and raising his eyebrows.

Matteo’s head snaps up, his cheeks tinged pink in the the most adorable way. He licks his lips, and trails his eyes down to David’s lips in a way that makes his heart skip a beat.

Before David can say anything else, there are lips on his, enthusiastic and passionate. 

The butterflies in David’s stomach go wild as he reaches up to caress the back of Matteo’s neck, kissing back slowly.

David smiles against Matteo’s lips as he feels Matteo sigh into the kiss. No one has ever managed to make David feel this way by a simple kiss. No one has been able to ever make him feel like he’s floating and still manage to ground him at the same time. 

Matteo pulls back a little bit and rests his forehead onto David’s, letting out a shaky breath.

David smiles, keeping his eyes closed as he breathes in the warm and comforting scent that envelopes him. He presses a kiss to the corner of Matteo’s mouth, then slowly, to his lips once again.

“Yeah,” David whispers softly as their lips part slowly once again. “Definitely cute.”

Matteo’s eyes snap open, and he pulls back.

Before David even realises what’s happening, there is a pillow in his face.

“No!” Matteo argues, and David feels the bed shift as Matteo goes to straddle his hips. 

“Fuck you!” David gasps, his voice muffled by the pillow. He reaches out blindly until his hands connect with Matteo’s waist. From there, it’s war. 

Matteo lets out a shocked laugh as David begins to tickle him, losing his strength rapidly as his attention goes towards twisting away from the tickling fingers. David takes the leverage to his advantage, reaching around Matteo’s back and flipping them over. The pillow falls somewhere off the bed. Matteo lands on his back with a shocked exhale as David settles between his legs, arms of either side of his head. 

“Hi,” Matteo breathes, his pupils dilating. 

“Hi,” David murmurs, leaning in to rest his forehead against his boyfriends’ again.

“Okay, I get it,” Matteo whispers, his arms wrapping around David’s back. “You’re stronger than me, Mr. Advanced-PE.”

“Damn straight I am,” David brags, nuzzling against Matteo’s blushing cheek. He presses a kiss to the warm skin. “Now just admit that you’re cute.”

“Only if you do too.” Matteo turns his head so that he’s facing David again.

“Fine,” David concedes, pressing another kiss to his lips. “Only because you’re so cute.”

Matteo rolls his eyes, but smiles wide. “Good,” he says, rubbing his hands up and down David’s spine. “Now, I still need those cuddles.”

David’s the one to roll his eyes this time, but he relents, flopping onto his back next to Matteo.

“Alright you little shit,” David teases, holding out his arms as an invitation. “Get over here.”

 


	4. "If you're ready, come find me."

  1. “If you’re ready, come find me.”



Honestly, fuck his boyfriend for all these stupid scavenger hunts.

Okay, so Matteo doesn't really hate his boyfriend, in fact, he’s like, totally whipped for him. Which is why, when David sends him a text with a set of coordinates along with the message,  _ if you’re ready, come find me,  _ he drops everything to go find him.

The thing is, they spend so much time together already. But with David’s new job as a production assistant on a local indie film, he’s been spending his days alone. 

So, Matteo finds himself on the tram on the way to fucking  _ Neukölln  _ when he could be in bed and playing video games. The things he does for this boy, he swears. 

When he finally gets off the bus (after having switched routes several times), the sun is beginning to set against the backdrop of the city.

Matteo supposes that David could have picked a worse location for them to meet up. Despite its gentrifying areas, Neukölln still had some of the classy street charm of Berlin that Matteo misses sometimes. He supposes David misses them too, what with his desire to seek out old buildings in the most decrepit areas. He also supposes that it’s his favourite David, who will get lost in his wanderlust, looking for new ways to incorporate the environment into his art. 

_ God, _ Matteo loves this boy so much.

“Hey, you,” says a familiar voice behind him. Matteo turns to see David leaning casually against the wall of the building behind him. 

God, even when David’s obviously tired and worn out after a long day at work, he’s still the most fucking gorgeous thing that Matteo has ever seen.

“Hey,” Matteo smirks, stepping forward to hug his boyfriend. David wraps his arms around Matteo’s waist automatically, and Matteo nuzzles into the crook of his boyfriend’s neck. “You good?” he whispers into the warm skin.

“Yeah,” David breathes, shuddering presumably at the warm breath against his neck. “Wanted to explore.”

“Of course you do,” Matteo teases, pulling back slightly so that he can press a quick kiss against David’s lips.

“Need more inspiration,” David murmurs, leaning forward so that he can chase Matteo’s lips. “Need your help.”

“With what?” Matteo wonders, giving in and kissing David again, soft and slow. 

“Not sure yet,” David replies as their lips part, he pulls back slightly. Matteo’s heart soars as he watches his boyfriend’s dark eyes glimmer. (God, those  _ eyes.)  _ “But you always inspire me.”

Matteo smiles, feeling his cheeks heat up.

“Okay,” Matteo says, pulling back but holding out his hand for David to take. “You lead the way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neukölln is a borough in Berlin, which I've actually been to and its awesome! It's quite far from where the boys live and go to school, but its such an awesome spot but its hella sketchy lolll (i recommend!)
> 
> Come say [hello](https://unendeligtid.tumblr.com/)  
>  on tumblr!


	5. "I'm scared."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw for dysphoria and slight internalised transphobia. these are written based off my own experiences and are not indicative of how other trans people experience things.

  1. "I'm scared."



 

David kinda wants to shoot himself in the foot.

Okay, so not really, it’s just that he’s an idiot and he really needs to start planning these things out better.

The thing is, David is so happy. He’s just finished his Abi, he’s gotten accepted into an awesome film school, and he has the best boyfriend in the whole world.

Matteo gets him. He gets that David is a complicated person. He gets it when David feels the need to draw away. He understands that there are some things that David doesn't feel comfortable doing, and he accepts it without fail.

There is, however, one thing that David keeps doing around Matteo that he really needs to stop.

He hasn’t taken off his binder in at least 24 hours, and it’s really starting to kill him.

His ribs are aching, he can feel the sides of the uncomfortable fabric digging into his skin, leaving red indents that usually stay there for a few hours afterwards.

David knows that he’s fucking himself over. He’s damaging his ribs, his lungs, and his chances of having a good top surgery. 

He just  _ can’t. _

Every single time he sleeps over at Matteo’s (which is becoming a lot more frequent these days), he sleeps in his binder. He knows that Laura would kill him if he ever told her this. He just can’t get himself to breach that topic with Matteo yet. He’s been so good about David being trans, David can’t believe how lucky he is. But Matteo is also new to this as well. David doesn't want for Matteo’s mind to be changed after he sees that David isn’t  _ really _ a boy, that he-

No, he can’t do this to himself. He promised himself and Laura that he would stop with the internalised transphobia. 

“You need to piss or something?” Matteo’s voices breaks David’s thoughts.

David lets out a startled laugh, leaning his head down to get a better look at the boy cuddled into his chest. “Häh?” David snorts. “No, why?”

“You keep squirming around,” Matteo says nonchalantly, and David’s stomach drops. “You look like you need to piss or something.”

Right. So Matteo doesn't think it’s a serious thing. David shifts uncomfortably again, which turns out to be the wrong decision, as he feels his binder dig into the skin under his arm painfully. He winces.

Matteo sits up, his brows furrowed in concern. “You’re in pain,” he decides, crossing his legs and searching David’s body, as if looking for the source of the pain.

David sighs and avoids Matteo’s eyes. “It’s okay,” David says, brushing off Matteo’s concerned hands. “I’m fine.”

“David.”

David looks Matteo in the eyes. “Matteo,” he replies back, his voice a little snarky.

“What is it?” Matteo asks, seemingly letting the snide comment slide. 

David sighs again. Fuck, he can’t resist those eyes.

“It’s… my binder,” David says hesitantly, looking away from Matteo’s worried glance again.

“I’ve read about those,” Matteo replies, and David turns back to meet Matteo’s calm expression. “Is it hurting you?”

“Yeah,” David concedes, letting out a heavy exhale. “I’ve been wearing it all night-”

“You what!” Matteo exclaims, his brows furrowing in concern once again. “I thought you were only supposed to wear those for like eight hours!”

David smiles. He really loves this boy.

“Yeah,” David agrees, shrugging helplessly. “You’ve been doing your research.”

Matteo blushes slightly. “I just wanted to learn,” he says sheepishly, looking down and smiling slightly. “If it’s important to you, then it’s important to me.”

David blinks, feeling his heart skip a beat. Slowly, he smiles, feeling his own cheeks redden.

“Wait!” Matteo interrupts, snapping his head back up. “You should take it off! You could really hurt yourself!”

“I…” David’s stomach drops again. “Okay, I guess I’ll head home then.”

David can almost feel Matteo’s heart snapping in half. “Why?” he asks, his expression obviously hurt.

“To take it off?” David says, shrugging again.

“You can’t just take it off here?” Matteo asks, his expression turning confused again.

“Uh, yeah,” David replies, his voice quiet. “I guess I can.”

No one moves. David closes his eyes, his head reeling. 

_ If he sees you like this, then he’ll never think of you as a boy again,  _ says the voice in his head, taunting him.  _ Shut the fuck up,  _ David tells it.

“Babe?” Matteo’s voice brings him to the present again. “You okay?”

David keeps his eyes closed. “I’m scared,” he whispers, letting out a shaky breath.

“Look at me.”

David opens his eyes. Matteo is looking at him, his brows furrowed in concentration.

“Nothing changes,” Matteo whispers, reaching out to lace his fingers with David’s. “You’re still the same boy that I fell for the moment I laid eyes on him.”

It’s the same feeling that David got the very first time that anyone had ever used the correct pronouns for him, time one thousand. His heart flutters in his chest. 

“Okay,” David agrees, sitting up slowly so that he’s face to face with Matteo. “Can you close your eyes?”

Matteo does just that, reaching up to cover his eyes with his hands for extra measure.

David takes off his shirt slowly, keeping his eyes on Matteo the entire time to make sure that he isn’t peeking. As if he ever would. 

David can’t help the sigh of relief leave his body as he finally pulls the godforsaken binder over his head. He tosses it lazily over in the general direction of his bag with his change of clothes and then throws his shirt back on. 

“Fucking ow,” David murmurs, reaching up to massage underneath his arm where the binder had been cutting into his skin.

“Can I look now?” Matteo asks, his hands unmoving. David smiles at his boyfriend.

“Yeah.”

Matteo takes his hands away from his eyes, and looks up to meet David’s eyes. The fact that he doesn't look at David’s chest says wonders.

“Feel better?”

“Yeah,” David says, sighing in relief. “Although, now that you mention it, I kinda need the bathroom after all.”

Matteo snorts out a laugh, leaning forward to place a soft kiss onto David’s lips. David smiles into the kiss, reaching up to tangle his hand into Matteo’s messy bed hair.

“Love you,” David murmurs against Matteo’s warm lips, sighing into the warmth.

Matteo smiles, ruining the kiss a little, but David can’t be assed to care. 

“Love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Come say hi!](https://unendeligtid.tumblr.com/)


	6. "Are you really that unaware?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dis one be an au yallllllll

  1. “Are you really that unaware?”



 

“Sometimes I think I’m gonna be alone for the rest of my life,” Matteo says into the darkness of his room. He didn’t mean for it to slip out in front of his crush, but he really can’t be blamed. They’d both gotten baked out of their minds earlier that night while playing video games on Matteo’s makeshift Nintendo Switch, and his filter is long gone.

“Dude, you’re 21,” David replies, turning his head, presumably to look at Matteo. “You have plenty of time to find someone.”

“I know,” Matteo says, letting out a sigh  _ (I don’t want just someone, I want you,  _ he thinks). “It’s just that I barely know any queer guys, and Grindr isn’t really my thing.”

“You do know queer guys,” David argues, the mattress shifting as he shifts his head to fully face Matteo. “I’m a queer guy.”

Matteo’s heart sinks. God, is this what all those incels feel like when they get friendzoned? Matteo doesn't want to be an incel. 

It’s just so unfair that someone as beautiful as David can be so unaware of just how much Matteo is in love with him.

“Yeah, I know you are,” Matteo concedes, letting out a frustrated sigh. “But you’re my best friend.”

To Matteo’s surprise, David lets out his own frustrated sigh.

“Are you serious?” David retorts, his own words a little bit slurred. Suddenly, Matteo is reminded of how much of a higher tolerance he has.

“What?” Matteo asks, turning his own body to face David. In the darkness of the room, he can see David’s brows furrowing.

“Are you really that unaware?” David says, his breath hitching. 

What.

“I…” Matteo trails off, his heart pounding.

“You seriously don’t know, do you?” David asks, letting out a bitter laugh. “I thought you were just pitying me, oh my god.”

“Know what?” Matteo stammers, staying frozen in place.

“I’m like, so fucking in love with you,” David rushes out, his breaths uneven. “Have been for awhile.”

Matteo stills. David’s… what?

Matteo’s mind, for the first time in a long time, is blissfully blank. David’s warm scent is flooding his sense, making him delirious in the best of ways.

“Matteo,” David says, his tone pleading. “Please say something.”

Matteo can’t hold himself back any longer, he’s been doing it for too long.

He surges forward and presses a clumsy kiss to David’s lips.

He misses slightly, but sue him, it’s really dark.

Luckily, David helps him out, reaching up to grab the back of Matteo’s neck to steady him, and kisses him properly.

Matteo forgets to breathe.

Their lips move together slowly, tentatively, but so fucking passionately. Matteo is almost expecting himself to wake up any moment, but he doesn't. Instead, he leans forward even more, tasting more of David, running his tongue along his bottom lip. David meets him halfway with a moan, his breathing shaky as he runs his own tongue along Matteo’s mouth.

When they part, they’re both panting and smiling.

“In case it wasn’t obvious,” Matteo whispers, nuzzling David’s with his own softly. “I’m so fucking in love with you too.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Come scream with me about david and matteo lol](https://unendeligtid.tumblr.com/)


	7. "I need you"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to send me prompts if you'd like me to write anything!

  1. “I need you.”



 

David doesn't really know what he’s doing, as it turns out.

Trying to be romantic and cook breakfast for your boyfriend is a lot harder than it seems, especially considering the fact that David’s lived off ramen and pasta for the past couple years.

He’s struggling his way through making scrambled eggs. Matteo watches him bustle around the kitchen as David pretends to know what he’s doing.

Okay, so maybe David mostly relies on Laura to do the cooking. It’s just that, she’s older than him, and Mom was able to teach her cooking before they left home.

He can’t show weakness though, not after he’d promised his boyfriend the breakfast of champions. 

After David freezes in place for longer than five seconds, Matteo turns to look at him from the table he’s sat at.

“You good?” Matteo muses, a smirk on his face. 

“Ja,” David squeaks, cursing himself as his voice cracks. 

Matteo raises his brows in suspicion. They’ve been together long enough for Matteo to know when David’s full of shit.

“Mhm,” David confirms, this time making conscious effort to not let his voice crack. Instead, he turns to the fridge to grab some vegetables they’d bought last night to chop up. Big mistake.

The pan on the stovetop begins to smoke and hiss loudly. David curses.

He hurries toward the pan, grabbing the spatula to try and asses the damage. The smoke fills his eyes, and he flinches back.

“Okay, fine,” David says, pulling the pan from the stovetop to avoid casualties. “I need you.”

Matteo laughs loudly as he gets up from his chair to help David with the eggs. David hands over the spatula, and Matteo flips over the eggs. 

And of course, they’re so burnt that they’re black underneath.

“Fuck,” David breathes, feeling his face burn.

Matteo giggles, reaching over to turn the burner off, before steering David away from the hot stove. He winds his arms around David’s shoulders and hugs him gently.

“Ugh,” David sighs, wrapping his own arms around Matteo’s waist, burrowing his face into Matteo’s neck. “I really wanted to impress you.”

Matteo huffs out another laugh. “You managed to do that a long time ago,” he replies, pulling back so that he can look David in the eyes again. “The fact that you can’t cook doesn't change that fact.”

“Hey, fuck you,” David retorts with no heat. “I’ll have you know that my ramen-making skills are phenomenal.”

“I’m sure they are,” Matteo teases, pressing a quick kiss to David’s lips. “Shall we make some Pasta à la Luigi? Leave it to the real cook in the relationship?”

“Just because you’re Italian doesn't mean you’re good at cooking!” David whines, but kisses his boyfriend once more. “Anyone can cook!”

Matteo winks at him, turning around to start making his famous meal. David kicks under his foot lightly, mimicking what Matteo had done to him all those weeks ago.

“Fuck you,” Matteo says teasingly, looking behind him to send David a smile. 

God, David loves this boy.


	8. "I'm not ready for this"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw for depression
> 
> Also this one is a lil short so i might update again today who knows lol
> 
> enjoy!

  1. “I’m not ready for this”



 

“I’m not ready for this,” Matteo breathes as he stops walking. David, who is holding his hand, stops too.

“Baby,” David replies, his eyes wide and concerned. “We talked about this.”

“I know,” Matteo says, closing his eyes and letting out a long exhale. “But what if they don’t believe me? Or what if I’m not sick enough to need help?”

“There’s no such thing as “sick enough”” David argues gently, reaching up to caress Matteo’s face with his free hand. “You’ve been struggling for a long time, it’s been worrying everyone.”

“Yeah, but there are kids starving in Africa and stuff,” Matteo replies helplessly. “I’m just some privileged dude with daddy issues.”

“Would you tell me the same thing?” David asks, nudging Matteo gently. “You know that I’ve gone to therapy before as well. I’m also a privileged dude with daddy issues.”

“No!” Matteo opens his eyes to look at his boyfriend again. “You needed the help!”

“And so do you,” David replies, his voice unwavering. “This isn’t a competition. Some people might have it worse than you, but that doesn't mean that you don’t need help at all.”

Matteo sighs. “Okay, fair point,” he concedes. “But what if I’m actually not depressed and I’ve wasted their time?”

“Listen, I’m no professional,” David says, caressing Matteo’s face gently. Matteo leans into the touch. “But this is hurting you so much that you can’t function. There’s something going on, and they can help you, no matter what.”

Matteo wants to cry, but he can’t. He hasn’t been able to cry in a long time.

“Okay,” Matteo whispers, leaning against David’s forehead gently. “Come with me?”

“Of course,” David whispers back, placing a soft kiss on the corner of Matteo’s mouth. 

Matteo smiles slightly at the contact, taking a deep breath.

“Okay,” David continues, pulling back slightly so that he can look Matteo in the eyes. “Let’s go?”

“Let’s go,” Matteo confirms with a firm nod. 

Their fingers interlace again, and they begin to walk once more, together.

 


	9. "Go ahead, tell me you knew that was gonna happen"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> suh dudes

  1. “Go ahead, tell me you knew that was gonna happen.”



 

Most of the time, Matteo loves the fact that his boyfriend is so physically active. It kicks his ass into shape, and of course, David looks fucking hot whenever he’s exercising. 

It’s usually a win-win situation.

Until now, that is. 

They’ve both gotten a gym membership this summer. It had been David’s idea after the whole advanced PE fiasco, seeing as he no longer had a gym to work out at. Matteo had gone along with it, mostly because he really can’t tell his boyfriend no when he’s looking at him with those gorgeous eyes and long lashes and-

Okay, so Matteo is really thirsty for his boyfriend, sue him.

His thirst, however, is completely at the back of his mind right now as he finds himself panting and sweating on the treadmill in attempts to keep up with David. David, the little shit, seemingly is having no problem running at a constant speed for long intervals, and in fact, appears to be enjoying it. Matteo, of course, doesn't  _ need  _ to run at his boyfriend’s pace, but he’d figured he might as well. He’s a lazy motherfucker most of the time, and his heart could probably use the exercise.

Except now, he’s really regretting it. After having brought the speed up to match David’s, his boyfriend had given him an impressed look, his eyebrows darting up in surprise as he wiped sweat from his forehead.

It’s more of a pride thing, really. Matteo can’t stop now.

Except the thing is, he’s actually dying. Like, he can barely breathe, he’s sweating so much that it’s getting into his eyes, and he actually feels a little lightheaded. 

Just as he’s about to admit defeat and slow down his treadmill, he meets David’s eyes. David smiles at him, and  _ oh fuck, _ Matteo loves his smile.

He loves it so much, in fact, that he doesn't notice that he’s tripped over his own foot until he’s landing on the treadmill, and then flying into the air with the momentum of the treadmill belt guiding him along.

Matteo lands on his back with a hard  _ thud,  _ and he actually loses his breath for a second.

Distantly, he hears an “oh fuck!” in the distance, and then a hand is reaching out to caress his face.

“Are you okay?” David asks frantically, his other hand searching Matteo’s body for damage. “Fuck, oh my god Matteo.”

As soon as Matteo gets any semblance of his breath back, he groans. That’s gonna leave one hell of a bruise.

“Go ahead,” Matteo gasps, unable to stop himself from giggling deliriously. “Tell me you knew that was gonna happen.”

David, having realised that Matteo is (mostly) okay, relaxes and begins to laugh as well. “Okay,” he admits, running his hand along Matteo’s face and wiping the sweat from around his eyes. “Maybe I did, but I didn’t realise it would be that catastrophic.”

“You wish you could be this clumsy,” Matteo retorts, letting out a full-bellied laugh.

“Yeah, yeah,” David murmurs, finally steadying both of his hands on Matteo’s back. “Let’s get you up, Luigi.”

He helps Matteo sit up, and puts his hands on Matteo’s back as soon as he is able. Matteo groans as his joints throb in pain.

He looks around him, only now noticing the crowd of people staring at him, concerned.

Matteo’s face flushes in embarrassment.

“Let’s get you home,” David giggles, grabbing Matteo’s hands to help pull him up into a standing position.

“Jesus Christ, please,” Matteo begs as he gets up with a grunt. “Get me the fuck out of here.”


	10. "He got me flowers"

  1. “He got me flowers.”



 

When Matteo gets home from his shitty part-time job, he knows that he’s going to spend the rest of the day in a miserable mood. 

Okay, so maybe it’s not just the fact that his summer job at his local cafe really sucks, it’s also the fact that he’s lowkey been depressed for the past week or so. His roomates have tried to get him out of his funk. Hans and Mia have tried to give him cooking lessons in attempts to get him to stop making so much pasta. Even Linn has joined him on the couch and insisted they watch movies together so that he’s not alone. 

David, of course, has been the most supportive out of them all, despite the fact that he works about 12 hours a day on set. 

It doesn't bother Matteo too much normally, as David is more than happy to fall into his arms after a long day at work. Normally that’s enough for Matteo to forget about his troubles.

This week, however, David’s been working extra-overtime for his shifts, and therefore, has barely been able to be with Matteo.

Matteo knows that he’s a little too codependent. It’s something that he and his therapist are working on. But he also know that whenever he spends too much time alone, the dark thoughts overwhelm him. Before he’s even realised it, he’s spending the whole night staring at the wall and playing the same vine compilations over and over again. 

He’s just about to do that tonight, without even speaking to anyone. Matteo can’t even be bothered to move his mouth.

“Matteo?” Mia’s voice comes in through the kitchen as Matteo’s taking off his shoes. 

“Yeah?” 

“There’s uh, mail for you,” she says, smiling brightly. “I left it in your room.”

“Danke,” Matteo calls out, walking lazily towards his bedroom.

When he walks in, however, all of his tiredness vanishes. 

Sitting right there on his table, perched upon piles of old school books, is a small bouquet of flowers. Matteo doesn't even know what kind, but he doesn't particularly care. He heart soars.

He picks them up cautiously, startling slightly as a small piece of paper falls to the ground from the bouquet.

Matteo puts the flowers down and pick up the note. The familiar handwriting greets him.

 

_ Hey, babe. _ It reads.  _ I know that you’re not feeling to well and I wanted to get you something to cheer you up. I’m coming over once I’m done work tonight. I love you. _

 

A feminine voice in his doorway startles him. “So?” Mia asks, a wide smile on her face.

“He got me flowers,” Matteo stammers, unable to stop the grin on his face. He hasn’t smiled in awhile.

“He did,” Mia confirms, her voice amused. “You guys are so adorable.”

“He is,” Matteo murmurs dreamily, training his attention back to the note.

Yeah, okay. Maybe he’ll be okay.

 


	11. "You can talk to me about anything"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops i missed a day my bad... i totally forgot lmaooo! here you go!
> 
> also, i wrote this before episode ten had come out. i honestly didn't think that they'd do a sex scene at all so imagine my surprise.

  1. “You can talk to me about anything.”



 

“David?” Matteo says one night as they’re cuddled up in what had been a comfortable silence. “You know that you can talk to me about anything, right?”

David lifts his head from Matteo’s chest, his brows furrowed in confusion. “Yeah?” he replies hesitantly. “Why?”

Matteo bites his lip, and David furrows his brows further. 

“No reason,” Matteo says quickly, shaking his head. 

David snorts, looking at his boyfriend in disbelief. 

“Sure,” David bites sarcastically, giggling as his boyfriend flushes in embarrassment. 

“It’s just that uh…” Matteo trails off. David waits patiently. “I have… questions. I just don’t want to ask the wrong thing, I guess.”

“Questions about…?” David prompts, nodding his head encouragingly.

“About… sex and stuff,” Matteo murmurs, his face flushing bright red. 

David can’t help it. Maybe it’s his own embarrassment at the turn of this conversation. He lets out a laugh.

“Ask away,” David giggles, feeling his own face begin to flush.

“You’re laughing at me,” Matteo whines, throwing his arm over his face dramatically.

“I’m laughing  _ with _ you,” David retorts, gently moving Matteo’s arm so that he can see his boyfriend’s adorable face. “Now, what did you want to know?”

“I guess uh…” Matteo trails off, his smile sheepish. “I’m just wondering if that’s something that you want? I just want to make sure that I’m not overstepping any boundaries or anything.”

David stills, and then slowly, a smile spreads across his face. He kisses Matteo soft and slow before pulling back again.

“You’re so cute,” David murmurs, settling back to rest his head against the pillow so that he’s facing Matteo properly. “It is something that I want.”

“And uh…” Matteo trails off, turning onto his side to match David. “I’m really sorry, this is going to sound so stupid, but uh… how does that… work?”

“Well you see,” David starts, unable to help himself. “When mommy and daddy really love each other, they-”

“Wow, okay, asshole,” Matteo snorts, slapping David lightly on the shoulder. “I don’t need the birds and the bees talk. I was talking more about like… topping and stuff. Like, who’s doing what?”

David sighs and rolls onto his back. “I’m okay with either way, I think,” he says, finally deciding to stop fucking with Matteo. “I just… don’t want you to think that I want to bottom because I’m a trans guy.”

“Of course not,” Matteo replies, reaching up and tracing his fingers along David’s shoulder lightly. “You’re a guy, I know that.”

“Good,” David smiles, he turns to face his boyfriend again, who’s smiling despite the blush on his face. “I’ll, uh have to get some,  _ stuff, _ but we can make this happen.”

“Like…?” Matteo prompts, probably noticing the flush on David’s face returning, a shit-eating grin on his face.

“A horse dildo,” David deadpans, giggling as Matteo lets out a shocked laugh. “What do you think, asshole?”

“Fair enough,” Matteo laughs, snuggling into David’s side. “Let me know when you’re ready.”

 


	12. "Please, talk to me"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw for body dysphoria

  1. “Please, talk to me.”



 

David knows that he has a bad track record of running away before he and Matteo can talk. He knows that it makes Matteo sad. And yet, sometimes, he can’t help it.

For so long, he would run away when things got too hard. It became the only way to keep himself safe. The funny thing it, he knows that he’s safe with Matteo. He knows that Matteo won’t hurt him. And yet, he can’t stop himself.

The thing is, David can’t stand it when Matteo puts his hands on his waist. 

Matteo has no idea, of course, why would he? After all, David put his hands on Matteo’s waist all the time. 

David wants to like it, he really does. He wants to enjoy it when his boyfriend cuddles and hugs him. But he can’t, all because of these stupid  _ fucking  _ hips.

Which is why, when David pulls away from Matteo’s hug, he knows that his boyfriend won’t let it slide anymore. 

“David?” Matteo asks as David squirms out from under the touch. “What’s wrong?”

“Um, nothing,” David breathes out, wrapping his arms around himself and looking down at his socked feet. “I should go.”

_ “David,” _ Matteo repeats, his tone desperate. “Please, talk to me.”

David shudders out a breath. He can’t keep doing this to Matteo or himself. 

“It’s just, uh,” David takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, waiting for Matteo to start laughing at him. “It makes really dysphoric when you touch my waist and I can’t stand it.”

He says the last part in a rush, all in one exhale.

“Dysphoric?” Matteo asks, not laughing at all. Instead, he looked curious, but concerned. 

“Yeah,” David sighs in relief, rubbing his arms to comfort himself. “It’s when uh, your brain doesn't match your body. So like, I’m a dude, right? But my body didn’t develop the way I wanted it to. So, when you touch my waist, it reminds me of that every time.”

“Oh,” Matteo looks down, furrowing his brows, and then he stands up. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s not your fault,” David replies, letting out a shaky breath. “You didn’t know.”

“I know,” Matteo says, reaching out hesitantly. David surrenders, falling into Matteo’s arms. “I’m just sorry that you felt you couldn’t tell me.”

Matteo wraps his arms around David’s back carefully, avoiding his waist.

“I will next time,” David whispers into Matteo’s neck, breathing in the familiar and comforting scent.

Matteo tightens his arms in response, and David breathes. 

He doesn't need to run anymore to feel safe. He is safe, right here in Matteo’s arms.


	13. “If you tell someone, I’ll kill you.”

  1. “If you tell someone, I’ll kill you.”



 

Matteo is a tough guy, okay?

He’s like, really fucking tough.

Which is why, when he and David settle down to watch The Titanic together to look at young Leo’s beautiful face, he tells himself that he isn’t going to cry.

How bad can it be, anyways? Yeah, okay, maybe he vaguely remembers Hanna telling him that she’d bawled like a baby the first time that she watched it, but that’s fine. Matteo can handle his emotions. He barely ever cries anyways.

As it turns out, he was talking out of his own ass, because here they are at the end of the film, and Matteo has tears streaming down his face.

Luckily, David is cuddled into his chest and therefore can’t see him, but Matteo knows better. He knows that David will tease him relentlessly the moment that he notices. 

Matteo sniffles quietly, or at least, tries to.

David lifts his head, takes one look at Matteo, and then bursts into laughter.

“Fuck you!” Matteo cries, lifting his hand to wipe his tears from his face. “She said she’d never let go, and then she let go!”

“Yeah?” David says between his high-pitched giggles (some of Matteo’s favourites). “That’s like, one of the most iconic moments in film ever.”

“God, I forgot how pretentious you are,” Matteo sighs, choking on a sob involuntarily.

David cooes at his crying boyfriend and wraps his arms around his shoulders, wiping the tears from Matteo’s face.

“You love it,” David teases, giggling as Matteo rolls his eyes.

“Of course I do, dipshit,” Matteo retorts, his voice thick in his throat. David places a kiss to his wet cheek.

“It’s okay,” David reassures him, running his fingers through Matteo’s mop of a hair. “I won’t tell anyone.”

“You better not,” Matteo retorts with no fire. “If you tell someone, I’ll kill you.”

David laughs so hard that he starts to cry.

At least they were even. 

 


	14. “I can’t breathe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw for a panic attack and mentions of depression

  1. “I can’t breathe.”



 

Matteo doesn't even really know how it started. One minute he and David were chilling in his room, sat side-by-side on their phones, and the next, Matteo’s lungs are closing up.

It could be a build-up of things, really. Ever since he’d gotten diagnosed with Major Depression, it was like a switch had flicked. Suddenly, Matteo had become aware of all the shit in his life that affected him negatively. Every time he avoids social gatherings, every time he locks himself up in his room and feels nothing, every time that, when David asks him what’s wrong and he says  _ I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine- _

_ I’m not fine. _

Matteo can’t breathe. He can’t do anything right, he can’t function like a normal person, he couldn’t get through his Abi without cheating, he can’t-

“Matteo?” David’s voice cuts through his thoughts hesitantly, softly.

“I can’t breathe,” Matteo gasps, trying his best to gulp in air to no avail. 

“Yes, you can,” David argues calmly. “You have enough air to breathe.”

“I know,” Matteo whispers, gulping in air much air as he possibly can. “I  _ can’t.” _

“You’re breathing right now,” David replies, reaching out to place a strong hand on Matteo’s shoulder. “You’re taking in air, I can see your chest moving up and down.”

“I…” Matteo can’t think right now. Everything is too loud, too much. He can’t focus his eyes on anything, instead they’re moving rapidly back and forth. His chest, though, is gasping in air. He is breathing, he just can’t control anything.

“Okay, I want you to try your best to match your breathing to mine, otherwise you’re going to faint,” David murmurs, rubbing up and down Matteo’s arm. “And we’re going to play a little game, okay?”

“A game?” Matteo gasps, his throat catching as he attempts to follow along with David’s breathing.

“A game,” David repeats, breathing in slowly. “I want you to name five things that you can see.”

“Uh, you?” Matteo stutters, trying his best to focus his eyes. “Uh, my walls, bed, ashtray, and uh, my shirt?”

“Okay, good,” his boyfriend sighs, his breathing deep and calming. “Name four things you can feel.”

“Your hand.” Matteo takes in a slightly longer breath and then exhales. “My heart pounding, my shirt, and uh- my hair? I-It’s annoying.”

“Good,” David replies, pushing Matteo’s hair out of his eyes. “Now, name three things you can hear.”

“Your voice.” Matteo’s breath hitches, but he manages to exhale. “The cars outside, and uh, the clock ticking.”

“Two things you can smell?” David asks, smiling as Matteo finally meets his eyes.

“You,” Matteo replies, in a deep breath, panting out from the exertion. “Weed.”

“Awesome,” David chuckles. He leans in and presses his forehead to Matteo’s, his warm breath comforting. “Name one thing you can taste.”

Then, he presses a kiss to Matteo lips, his lips soft and steady. Matteo sighs out, his head finally feeling less foggy.

They part, but their foreheads still touch.

“You,” Matteo whispers. “Always you.”


	15. "Kiss me"

  1. “Kiss me.”



 

Matteo is beautiful when he wakes up. 

David can’t help but stare. Sure, okay, Matteo is really lazy, his room is a mess, and he sleeps like a log, but he’s actually adorable.

He gets really needy in the mornings in the way that he normally isn’t. He demands cuddles before either of them can get out of bed, for at least fifteen minutes. David doesn't know how Matteo lives when David isn’t sleeping over. 

This morning, he’s like a cat. He stretches himself awake, letting out a big yawn, before messing up his hair even more (if that was even possible). David swears that he isn’t swooning, but honestly, who is he kidding. He’s so whipped.

As if he can feel the eyes on him, Matteo turns to look at David, his eyes puffy, pillow creases indented in his cheek. He’s beautiful.

“What?” Matteo murmurs, his voice hoarse and deep.

“You’re beautiful,” David replies softly, reaching out to caress Matteo’s cheek.

Matteo flushes, nuzzling into the contact. 

“I’m serious,” David continues, brushing a strand of Matteo’s hair out of his eyes. “You are.”

Matteo just looks at him in that way that he always does. It’s the way that makes David feel completely stripped raw; completely vulnerable in the best way possible. 

“Kiss me,” Matteo murmurs, quiet, in awe.

“I have morning breath,” David replies, but already starting to lean forward to follow through with the request.

“I don’t care,” Matteo breathes, and then, they’re kissing.

Morning kisses, in David’s opinion, are the best kinds of kisses. It’s soft, slow, laced with sleep, but still manages to take his breath away. Matteo is so warm; his skin, his lips, his hands. David allows himself to fall into the warmth, to kiss back just as passionately, to render Matteo just as vulnerable. Because that’s what it is, truly. David allows himself to be fully vulnerable, and the same is true for Matteo. It’s a that give-and-take gives David the reassurance that he is loved, and that he doesn't need to run away anymore. 

When they part, they smile at each other. 

“Your breath stinks,” Matteo mumbles as he nuzzles his nose against David’s.

“Asshole,” David replies, and then, just to be cheeky, blows his breath in Matteo’s face.

Matteo lets out a dramatic cry and pulls back, falling onto his back, throwing his arm over his face.

David laughs, shifting his weight to straddle Matteo’s hips in order to pin him down. He blows in Matteo’s face, or at least, tries to.

“You want bad breath?” David exclaims, unable to hold his giggles at his struggling boyfriend. “I’ll give you bad breath!”

“Asshole!” Matteo cries, but he’s laughing so hard that all of his fight leaves his body.

David joins him in a heap of giggles, leaning forward to nuzzle into Matteo’s neck.

“I love you, you idiot,” he breathes, placing a quick kiss to the warm skin.

“I love you, too.”

 


	16. "I'm not going anywhere"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for anxiety and recreational drug use (alcohol and weed)

  1. “I’m not going anywhere.”



 

Matteo wants to run away and never leave. The music is way too loud, and too many girls are hitting on him. The beer sits in his gut, heavy, and the weed is making his head spin. Any other guy his age would be thriving right now. Matteo, on the other hand, can barely breathe.

He meets David’s eyes across the room, whose laugh dies as soon as he sees Matteo’s expression. Matteo reckons he must look fucked out of his mind right now. Jonas would just think that he’s exceptionally cross-faded, but David knows better.

Sometimes it astounds Matteo just how much his boyfriend understands him.

David makes his way over, weaving in and out of the dancing bodies, until he’s sitting right next to Matteo. He throws his arm around the back of the couch and allows for Matteo to cuddles into his shoulder. Matteo goes gratefully, nuzzling into David’s warm and sticky skin, breathing in the musk that he’s come to associate with  _ home. _

“You okay?” David asks into his ear, his voice soothing over the harsh electronic music.

“No,” Matteo slurs, shutting his eyes when his head spins a little too much. 

“You wanna leave?” David replies without hesitation, rubbing his free hand comfortingly on Matteo’s knee. 

“You’re having fun, though,” Matteo argues weakly, making absolutely no attempts to disengage from his boyfriend.

“I’m only having fun if you are,” David responds honestly, to which Matteo breathes out a long sigh.

“Sure?” Matteo asks, already feeling a little lighter than he had before. 

“Hey, look at me,” David requests, placing his fingers lightly under Matteo’s chin to guide his head up. “I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

Matteo stares at the gorgeous dark eyes and long eyelashes in front of him, open and sincere. “Okay,” Matteo whispers, not even loud enough to be heard over the music, but David seems to understand him anyways.

David smiles at him, leaning in to place a small kiss on the corner of Matteo’s mouth. 

“I got you.”


	17. “But I never wanted him, it was always you.”

  1. “But I never wanted him, it was always you.”



 

This asshole. 

David swears that he’s not a jealous person. Most of the time, he’s laid back and supportive. But ever since he’d helped Matteo come out, it was like there was a raging fire in his stomach that couldn’t be put out.

They’re at a party, he and Matteo, which is something that they’ve been doing for almost their entire friendship. Except now, Matteo  _ glows _ with this sort of confidence that David has never seen before. Matteo’s approaching people, chatting with other guys,  _ flirting _ with them.

And the worst part of it is that David is so happy for Matteo. He knows how miserable Matteo was when he was in the closet, and so David helped him. Call it foolish, naïve hope on David’s part, but he’d helped Matteo because David had been in love with him since the day he’d laid eyes on him. David loves how messy Matteo is, the way he carries himself, which look lazy to everyone else, but David knows better. David knows how caring Matteo is, just how sensitive and conscientious he is. He was the first person that David ever came out to. He was the first person in their gymnasium to ever accept David for who he is, without fail.

And now, David has to watch as Matteo flirts with an attractive boy from across the dance floor. 

It’s torture, it really is. David wants to be happy for Matteo, and he wants Matteo to be happy. And so if that means that they can’t be together, then that’s the way that it is.

“Hey,” says a familiar voice beside him, cutting him out of his thoughts. “Na?”

David startles, turning to face Matteo, who must’ve made his way over when David had stopped paying attention.

“Hey,” David replies, his voice cracking from how loud he needs to speak over the music.

Matteo looks him up and down, and then furrows his brows. “You okay?” he asks, moving a little bit closer so as to not speak so loud. David curses his heart for skipping a beat.

“I…” David trails off, looking down at his fingers.

“Wanna get out of here?” Matteo asks instead, thankfully not pressing it too hard. He always seems to know when David is overwhelmed.

“Yeah,” David chokes out, still avoiding his best friend’s glance. 

Matteo leads him out, keeping a hand on his shoulder so that they don’t get separated among the crowd of people.

When they finally reach outside, they lean against the wall. As Matteo pats his pockets, seemingly looking for something, David breathes in the crisp, cool air.

“Wanna smoke?” Matteo asks, pulling his lighter out of his pocket.

David turns his head to the side. “I thought you were wanting to cut down on the weed?” he challenges, raising his eyebrows.

Matteo rolls his eyes, and then pulls a pack of cigarettes out of his other pocket. “Nicotine, asshole,” Matteo grumbles, pulling a smoke out and placing it in the corner of his mouth.

“That stuff will kill you,” David teases, unable to stop himself from watching Matteo’s mouth as he lights the cigarette and takes a drag.

“Fuck off,” Matteo teases back, blowing out smoke before handing the cigarette to David. “You’re not my dad.”

“I could be your daddy, though,” David deadpans, taking a drag of the cigarette until the smoke burns in his lungs, and then blowing it back out. 

Matteo startles out a laugh, rolling his eyes again before making grabby hands for the cigarette. David hands it over, holding back a shiver as their fingers brush together.

“Good times, with uh…” David trails off, gesturing back inside.

“His name is Andreas,” Matteo fills in on his inhale. “He’s alright, yeah.”

“Andreas…” David trails off, his stomach sinking. He takes the cigarette from Matteo’s fingers once more and takes a long drag. The nicotine is making his head spin, but it’s not enough of a distraction. “You like him?”

David curses himself for always doing this. He’s always encouraging Matteo to go on dates and to pursue the guys that he flirts with. Fucking hell.

“Nah, I don’t know,” Matteo shrugs, to David’s surprise. “He was nice but I don’t think I like him like that.”

“Ah,” David replies noncommittally, taking another drag. 

“Gimme,” Matteo says, taking plucking the cigarette from David’s mouth. David breathes out the smoke too early in surprise. “You’re hogging it.”

“S-sorry,” David stutters, letting out a small cough. 

“Mmh, nicotine,” Matteo hums, giving David a huge grin. 

They smoke the rest of the cigarette in silence. Matteo doesn't keep his eyes off David, which sort of leaves David breathless. He can’t even help it at this point. 

“Well,” David says as he puts out the cigarette. “Shall we head back inside, find someone else for you to flirt with?”

Matteo doesn't move. If anything, he looks a little dejected. “No,” he says, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t want to go back inside.”

David leans back against the wall. “I thought you wanted to find someone to be with?” he asks, confused, and feeling his heart crush once more. He hates himself for always doing this.

“I think I have,” Matteo whispers, looking up at David, his eyes soft and sad. 

“I thought you didn’t like Andreas?” David stammers, shaking his head in confusion.

Matteo rolls his eyes, his shoulders stiffening up. David’s heart sinks.

“But I never wanted him!” Matteo exclaims, his voice sharp but his eyes starting to tear up. “It was always you!”

David stills. He stares at the boy in front of him, who looks so open, so scared. His heart is pounding so hard that Matteo must be able to feel it. 

“Me?” David squeaks out, feeling his forehead break out into a cold sweat.

“You,” Matteo whispers, looking down at his feet. “But you obviously don’t feel the same way, so-”

“I do!” David interrupts before he can even realise what he’s saying. “I do feel the same way.”

“Oh.” Matteo stares at him, like he can’t believe what he’s seeing.

David smiles, unable to stop himself. Matteo smiles back.

When they kiss, it tastes a little bit like cigarettes, but David doesn't care. He has the boy of his dreams right here in his arms.


	18. “Why did you keep that from me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might upload another chapter sooner as this one is really short!

  1. “Why did you keep that from me?”



 

The first time David catches Matteo singing to himself while making food, he just chalks it up to a coincidence. Matteo is a really good singer, but David reckons he probably doesn’t realise it. Maybe he just has really good pitch naturally? Either way, David doesn’t know enough about singing to really know any better. 

The second time he catches Matteo singing to himself, David knows he has to say something. 

Matteo’s singing under his breath, David isn’t really sure what the song is, but it’s beautiful. Matteo’s voice is low and melodic, with a slight vibrato that can’t be chalked up to being a naturally good singer. This dudes learned how to sing, holy shit. 

“Why did you keep that from me?” David blurts, effectively cutting Matteo off. His boyfriend looks up, genuinely startled. 

“What?” Matteo asks, his eyebrows scrunched down adorably. 

“You can sing!” David exclaims, pushing himself up from his sitting position on Matteo’s bed excitedly. 

“Oh.” Matteo looks genuinely surprised that he’s been caught. “Yeah, I uh, did choir at church when I was younger.”

David imagines a tiny Matteo singing his heart out for his mother at church and he actually swoons. 

“You’re really good,” he says instead, reaching out to rub his hands comfortingly over Matteo’s shoulders. Matteo relaxes into the touch. “You should do it more.”

Matteo says nothing. The kiss that he presses to David’s lips says it all. 

The third time Matteo sings for David, it’s definitely not a coincidence. 


	19. “Smile for me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw for dysphoria and an instance (only mentioned) of misgendering

  1. “Smile for me.”



 

David swears to God.

It’s been a long fucking time since he’s been misgendered like that. 

Ever since he hit about six months on T, the misgendering from strangers had virtually stopped. It’s something that he used to worry about all the time, but doesn’t really think about anymore. 

Whenever he’s buying things at the store, greeting the driver as he walks on the bus, or any other social interaction, everyone seems to get it. 

Or, at least, maybe not everyone. 

He and Matteo are grabbing alcohol for their party tonight at Lidl of all places, and the ancient fucking cashier has the audacity to misgender him.

Both he and Matteo had been so taken aback, they’d frozen. David has looked down at his shoes, embarrassment burning on his face. He’d let Matteo do the rest of the talking. 

It’s only as they’re leaving that Matteo says something. 

“Are you okay?” He asks, stopping for a second and tugging on David’s sleeve with his free hand.

David sighs and walks closer to his boyfriend, looking down at his feet. “No.”

“I don’t get how that cashier could be so fucking stupid,” Matteo complains. David can almost hear him rolling his eyes. “You’re obviously a guy, why couldn’t she see that?”

“I don’t know.” David shrugs helplessly. “It happens sometimes.”

David wishes he were stronger. He wishes that he could correct people like that. He wishes that he didn’t feel like crying every single time this happened. Because regular people don’t upset about pronouns, they just live their lives and they don’t worry.

“Hey,” Matteo says softly, interrupting David’s train of thought. “I can hear you thinking from over here. What can I do?”

“Hug me?” David whispers weakly, cursing himself as he feels his eyes begin to water. 

Matteo drops the bag of alcohol to the ground and instantly throws his arms around David’s shoulders. David sinks into the embrace, breathing deeply. His boyfriend smells like smoke, but he can’t find it in himself to care. This is the only place that he feels safe; in Matteo’s arms.

Matteo pulls back ever so slightly to brush his nose against David’s. David bites his lip, holding back a smile. 

“No,” Matteo complains, reaching up with his thumb to unlatch David’s lip from his teeth. “Don’t hide, smile for me.”

David blushes and smiles wide, looking down at his feet sheepishly. He leans into Matteo’s touches and breathes deeply. 

“I love your smile,” Matteo continues, running a hand through David’s hair comfortingly. “Man of my dreams.” 


	20. “Why do you always ruin the moment?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic was written before ep 10 aired, just so y'all know... also featuring a meme gremlin bc honestly same

  1. “Why do you always ruin the moment?”



 

Okay, so maybe they’d been getting a little hot and heavy. 

Matteo honestly can’t help himself. David is just  _ so attractive, holy shit.  _ It honestly should be illegal. 

They have the place to themselves today, for once in what seems like forever, and they both seem to be taking advantage of it.

They’d wasted almost no time ever since David came over. A small cuddling session turned into a full-on makeout session, complete with David running his fingers lightly underneath Matteo’s shirt up his spine. Matteo swears to God, this boy will be the death of him. 

David seems to be okay with how things are going. Rightfully so, he’s been scared to engage in the more-  _ ahem-  _ physical aspects of their relationship. But Matteo’s been patient, and respected David’s boundaries (as if he would ever dream of anything else.) The payoff has been beneficial for the both of them, allowing them to be even closer, all the while being able to take sex out of the equation. 

But hey, they’re teenage boys. They don’t want it to be out of the equation forever. 

Except, okay, Matteo loves David for so many reasons, and some of them have to do with how oblivious he can be whenever he makes a reference to something. Matteo will always burst out into laughter and quote some obscure vine, all the while, David will remain clueless, wondering what the hell he’d even said in the first place. 

It all starts innocently (hah) enough.

“Is this okay?” Matteo mumbles, pressing wet kisses to David’s neck.

“What did you say?” David breathes out, tapping Matteo’s shoulder to get his attention.

Here’s the thing, Matteo doesn't necessarily want to ruin the moment. He honestly can’t help himself.

He pokes his head back up and leans on his elbows, and gives David a wide grin.

“I said,” Matteo says in English, holding back a laugh at David’s  _ what-the-fuck _ face. “Whoever threw that paper, your mom’s a hoe!”

David groans so loud that Matteo’s scared the neighbours heard it.

Matteo howls with laughter, flopping onto his back as David sits up to send Matteo an icy glare. 

“Why do you always ruin the moment?” David whines, slapping Matteo’s arm lightly.

“I can’t not make a vine reference!” Matteo giggles, wincing as David fakes in going for another attack. 

“Jesus Christ,” David sighs, but finally, as Matteo guessed, he succumbs to his own giggles. “You’re an idiot.”

“Yeah,” Matteo reasons, reaching out to intertwine their fingers. “But I’m your idiot.”

David rolls his eyes so hard that Matteo can’t even see his irises anymore, just the white. “Get over here and fucking kiss me, asshole.”

“Your wish is my command.”

  
  



	21. “I don’t want to lose you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for a lil anxiety and a minuscule amount of internalised transphobia

  1. “I don’t want to lose you.”



 

David doesn't normally have troubles falling asleep. 

He’s actually quite the early riser, much to Matteo’s dismay. Matteo is usually the one to have trouble falling asleep and trouble waking up in the mornings. 

Tonight, however, Matteo had no problem passing out right at midnight, leaving David awake with his thoughts.

He just  _ can’t _ get comfortable no matter where he turns. One minute, it’s almost perfect, and David finds himself finally relaxing. The next, it’s way too hot and he has to throw the covers off. And  _ then, _ it’s way too cold.

Honestly, though, the minute that David started T, he’d always run a little hot, so this was the least of his worries. His actual worries surrounded the boy sleeping soundly next him. 

Matteo lets out little adorable snuffles every so often, his body twitching, presumably in response to whatever his imagination is dreaming up. 

David smiles, reaching out to brush Matteo’s hair from his eyes ever-so-gently. 

_ You don’t deserve him. _

David sighs, retracting his hand. Because of course, his head can’t leave him alone for two fucking seconds.

He really doesn't deserve Matteo, though. His boyfriend is way too sweet to him, way too kind. It seems almost a shame that Matteo’s even wasting his breath on someone like David; someone who’s constantly pushing people away, someone who’s been born  _ wrong- _

David flops onto his back, throwing an arm across his face. 

“Fuck,” he whispers quietly, grasping the duvet with his free hand, his hand clenching almost painfully.

Seriously, Matteo shouldn’t even bother-

There’s a deep sigh coming from David’s side, a yawn, and then, a weight flopping onto David’s chest. 

David chuckles despite himself, and takes his arm from his face and wraps it around Matteo’s warm shoulders.

“What’re you thinking ‘bout?” Matteo mumbles into David’s neck, his voice deep and tired.

“Nothing, I guess,” David sighs, placing a small kiss onto the crown of Matteo’s head. Matteo practically purrs. 

“Nothing?” Matteo repeats, tickling David’s neck with his nose teasingly. David shivers.

“I just-” David pauses, closing his eyes. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“Why would you?” Matteo asks, his voice a little more awake this time. He leans his weight on his elbows and props himself. Despite the darkness of the room, David can feel the concern in Matteo’s eyes.

“You’re too good for me,” David says honestly, opening his eyes once more. “And I’m so selfish for wanting you to stay.”

Matteo stays quiet for a second, and then, lets out a long sigh. “You’re too good for  _ me,” _ he argues. “Seriously, you’ve changed me so much.”

“In good ways I hope?” David asks meekly.

“The best,” Matteo confirms, settling back down into David’s arms. “We’re both too good for each other, babe.”

David looks down at the boy in his arms. “I guess so.”

“I know so,” Matteo replies, looking back up at David. Their eyes meet in the darkness.

“But-”

“Shush!” Matteo exclaims, placing his hand right onto David’s face. David sputters. “You’re not allowed to say that. We can run around in circles for hours, or you can just admit that we’ve both changed each other for the better. Your call.”

“Dork,” David mumbles from under Matteo’s hand, and then, just to be a little shit, bites it.

“Hey!” Matteo pulls his hand back quickly, bumping David’s chin with the top of his head. “Don’t be rude.”

“Yeah, yeah,” David giggles, tangling his free hand into Matteo’s hair to get his head to stop moving. Eventually, his hand settles, and he begins to scratch at Matteo’s scalp lightly. 

“Feeling better?” Matteo asks, sighing as he leans in to the light touches.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Then let's sleep,” Matteo murmurs, snuggling back into the crook of David’s neck.

“Matteo?” David whispers, placing another kiss onto the crown of his boyfriend’s head.

“Hm?”

“Thanks.”

  
  



	22. “Let’s run away, just you and me.”

  1. “Let’s run away, just you and me.”



 

Matteo loves cooking.

More specifically, he loves cooking pasta. It really doesn't have much to do with the flavour of the food, or the joy of making a fun recipe. It’s about clout.

Matteo’s pasta clout game is strong, and nobody fucks with that. 

Especially not David, who, bless his soul, can’t cook for shit. 

Matteo gladly takes up the pasta-making role in the relationship (aka the only food they ever eat), taking the opportunity to show off to his lovely boyfriend his Italian roots.

David certainly doesn't complain, in fact, he actively encourages Matteo to get as creative as possible with his recipes. And usually, it pays off, and Matteo’s clout game becomes stronger.  _ Usually. _

“Sheiße!” Matteo shouts the second the pasta sauce touches his lips.

David jumps from where he’s sitting on the kitchen stool. “Matteo?” he asks cautiously, padding over on socked feet to see what all the fuss is about. 

“Fuck it,” Matteo laments, ignoring his boyfriend, who’s looking more and more concerned by the second. “Fuck this pasta. Let’s run away, just you and me.”

David stills, and then, because he’s a little shit, starts to laugh. “What did the pasta ever do to you?” he giggles, leaning against the counter to face his distraught boyfriend.

“Taste it!” Matteo replies, scooping some of the horrendous sauce into his spoon.

David allows Matteo to feed him the pasta sauce, and then he recoils. 

“What did you put in this?” David asks, to which Matteo groans, leaning against his boyfriend tiredly and flopping his head down on his shoulder. 

“Cloves,” Matteo moans, clinging onto David’s shoulders. 

“What?” David giggles, wrapping his arms comfortingly around Matteo’s back. “Why?”

“Because-” Matteo pauses for a second. “It said to add them?”

“Add…?” David pulls back, looking at Matteo in confusion. “What?”

“The recipe said add  _ three cloves! _ ” Matteo whines, quoting the last part from the English recipe he’d been using. He attempts to snuggle back into David’s side, to no avail. 

“Um…” David pauses. Matteo can almost see the gears spinning in his head. “Did it mean three cloves of garlic?”

Garlic. 

Oh yeah, that makes more sense.

“Fuck,” Matteo moans, flopping back over into David’s arms.

David says nothing, and then, because Matteo hates him, he starts to laugh. 

“You-” David gasps, his shoulders shaking against Matteo’s chest. “You thought-”

“Shut the fuck up!” Matteo whines, slapping David’s chest lightly. 

“I can’t-” David giggles, his voice breaking. 

“Nevermind, I lied,” Matteo retorts, pulling back abruptly to face his boyfriend, who’s begun tearing up from laughing so hard. “I’m just running away, I’m not taking you with him if you’re going to make fun of my pasta.”

“Aw,” David coos, clearing his throat to attempt to stifle his laughter. He wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand. “You’re still the master of pasta making, I promise.”

“Yeah?” Matteo asks softly. 

“Better than me,” David shrugs, and then looks down at the abomination of pasta sauce sitting in the pot. “Although, I think we gotta scrap this one.”

“Yeah,” Matteo agrees, although he doesn't move. Instead, he throws his arms around David’s shoulders and leans in until their noses touch. 

David leans in even further, until Matteo can feel his warm breath against his lips, until they’re almost kissing, and-

David breaks away with a snort, succumbing to his giggles again. “Cloves!” he gasps, clutching at his chest.

“I hate you so much.”


	23. "Wake up"

  1. “Wake up.”



 

“Matteo,” whispers a voice in Matteo’s ear. “Wake up.”

“No,” Matteo whines pitifully against the warmth of his boyfriend’s shoulder.

“Babe,” David giggles, jostling Matteo’s head slightly. “We gotta go, everyone’s waiting on you.”

Matteo’s eyelashes flutter open. He winces against the harsh outdoor light.

When he turns his head, Jonas, Abdi, and Carlos are all staring at him.

“Dude,” Jonas says, shaking his head and holding back a smile. “Good nap?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Matteo mumbles, sinking back into his boyfriend.

The boys laugh at him. Matteo flips them off lazily behind his back. 

“We’re just heading home,” David whispers into his ear, quiet enough for the guys not to hear him. “You can sleep once we get there.”

_ Home. _

Matteo smiles despite his usual sleepy grumpiness. “Okay,” he yawns.

He nips at David’s bare neck, smiling as he feels David jump slightly, and sits up fully. 

David glares at him, giving his shoulder a gentle slap.

“I love you, you little gremlin,” he murmurs, giving the shell of Matteo’s ear a gross lick.

Matteo whines and flinches away, shoving David away from him and almost knocking him off the bench.

“Ah!” David exclaims, his voice breaking in the absolutely adorable way that it does. He throws out his hands behind him to steady himself and fixes Matteo an icy glare.

“Love you too, asshole,” Matteo whispers back, reaching out to muss up David’s hair.

Together, they stand up and head over to the other boys who are impatiently waiting. They don’t look too mad, though. By now, they’re used to Matteo and David’s antics.

Matteo leans on David as much as he can as they walk together. David, as always, pretends to be annoyed, but they both know that he basks in the affection. Because even though they tease each other relentlessly, they both always end up coming back together. After all, they’re  _ home. _


	24. “Don’t roll your eyes like that.”

  1. “Don’t roll your eyes like that.”



 

David knows that Matteo can be a little shit sometimes. 

He sees it every time Matteo flirts (Read: attempts to flirt) with him. He saw it a little bit the first time he’d hung out with the rest of the boys, but Matteo had been much too tired for his usual snark. This time, however, he sees a whole new Matteo.

It starts with Matteo making borderline-rude comments towards Carlos and Abdi, but he brushes it off when the boys begin laugh it off. Then, Matteo straight up tells Hanna to “fuck off” with a serious expression. Hanna, however, just rolls her eyes and ruffles Matteo’s hair, and so David leaves it alone. 

The next time it happens, however, it doesn't seem so innocent anymore. 

They’re all sitting in a circle, Matteo snuggled comfortably into David’s side. They’re drifting in and out of the conversation peacefully, and then laughing occasionally when they happen to tune in at a weird moment.

David feels so peaceful. And then-

“Go eat shit and die,” Matteo laments to Jonas loudly, effectively cutting his friend off from his passionate speech, probably about capitalism or something. “Seriously, like, go outside, dig a hole, and climb in-”

“Matteo!” David cuts his boyfriend off, slapping his chest in reprimand. “You’re such an asshole!”

Jonas stares between them with wide eyes. Hanna, who had been resting on his chest, makes no attempts to reign in her laughter.

Matteo turns back to David, his cheeks flushed, probably half from the alcohol and half from the embarrassment. Nevertheless, he rolls his eyes.

“Don’t roll your eyes like that,” David retorts, and then turns to Jonas. “Sorry my boyfriend’s such a rude asshole today, I don’t know what got into him.”

Jonas looks between the two of them, and then bursts out into laughter.

“He’s always a rude asshole!” Hanna giggles. When David turns to their other friends, he can see them all chuckling as well.

“Seriously?” David asks, directing the question to the boyfriend in question. 

Matteo shrugs in response. 

“Is he not always like this with you?” Jonas asks, finally having gotten his giggles under control.

“I mean, yeah,” David concedes, shrugging his shoulders. “But normally he’s really sweet.”

David gets several snorts in response. When he looks to his boyfriend, he notices the adorable blush adorning his cheeks.

“Luigi?” Jonas chuckles, reaching out to shake Matteo’s shoulder teasingly. Matteo allows his body to go limp and jostle back and forth dangerously under Jonas’ steady hand. “Sweet? I’ll believe that when I see it.”

_ Oh.  _ Yeah, okay, David gets it. He feels his own cheeks flush slightly. 

“He is to me,” David murmurs, looking down shyly at his hands, mirroring Matteo’s own posture.

A chorus of “awwwwww”s go off around the circle. 

Matteo falls forward and buries his face into David’s chest, groaning in exasperation. David chuckles and wraps his arms around his boyfriend, pressing a soft kiss to the crown of his head. 

“You two are adorable!” says Hans from somewhere behind them.

“Fuck off!” Matteo retorts back, his voice muffled into the fabric of David’s hoodie. 

David flicks his asshole of a boyfriend in response. 

 


	25. “Don’t be mad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw for depression, dissociation, unhealthy drug use, and discussions of suicide. Take care, friends <3

  1. “Don’t be mad.”



 

Matteo really doesn't want to be this way. 

He never did, the moment he noticed all those years ago that he tended to lose himself in a grey fog every once and awhile. He never did whenever he noticed his mother not getting out of bed for days on end, or speaking to him with empty eyes. He never did when he turned to weed to try and drown out some of the emptiness and rise to the surface. The weed never even worked, anyways.

He thought that he was done. He’s come out, found an amazing boyfriend, and is now working a steady summer job. Life is about as good as it can get.

And yet, it’s three fucking am, and Matteo’s sitting on the balcony in his boxers, allowing the cool summer air to flow through his hair. The street below him is small, empty, and he is smaller and emptier. He’s smoking a cigarette, because he promised himself he’d quit the weed. He chest is empty, his stomach is heavy, and his head is a distorientating mix of the two. 

He thought he was done.

“Na?” says a sleepy voice from the doorframe of his balcony.

Matteo turns his heavy head to look at his boyfriend, stood barefoot in his boxers and sleep-shirt. He’s rubbing his eyes tiredly and his hair is an absolute mess. Normally, Matteo would be all over David in a second, because after all, he’s absolutely adorable. 

Now, however, he hums in greeting, taking another long drag from his half-smoked cigarette. 

“Can I sit with you?” David asks quietly, his eyes never leaving Matteo’s.

“Yeah,” Matteo murmurs as he blows out smoke into the direction of the street.

David sits gingerly next to him, reaching out and placing a soft hand onto Matteo’s bare thigh. His fingers tickle.

“Can’t sleep?” David asks, looking out into the quiet street. A siren goes off in the distance.

Matteo shrugs, taking another drag. As he blows out another round of smoke, he offers the cig to David, who shakes his head in response. 

“Matteo,” David continues, turning his head to look directly at Matteo. “Can I ask you something?”

“Mhm,” Matteo grunts in affirmative, unable to meet David’s gaze. He looks back out into the street.

“Are you okay?”

Matteo’s eyes sting. He sniffles. Had anyone else asked him that, his heart would’ve started pounding in his chest. With David, he just feels so resigned. 

The cigarette has almost burned down to the filter, and so Matteo takes one last long drag before stubbing it out on the ground next to him.  

Matteo turns to meet David’s eyes. His boyfriend looks so concerned, his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth twisted into a frown. Matteo should just lie and tell him that he’s fine. After all, he’s not really sick, he just brings this upon himself. But he’s so fucking tired. He can’t even pretend. 

Matteo reaches down next to the stubbed out cigarette for a new one, lifting it to his mouth and lighting it shakily. He takes in a deep inhale and lets the smoke burn in his lungs. 

“Oh, fuck it,” David scoffs, plucking the cigarette from Matteo’s mouth and taking a drag. He chokes slightly as the smoke enters his lungs, but ultimately exhales it all out. 

“Forgot how gross cigarettes were,” David mumbles, handing it back to Matteo. 

“They’ll kill you,” Matteo mumbles back in lieu of an answer, taking another drag before handing it back to David.

David snorts and puts the cig to his lips. As he inhales, he face becomes serious again. “Is that something that you want?” 

“What?” Matteo asks, reaching out to take the cig from David’s fingers. 

“To die.”

Matteo’s stomach sinks. The sting in his eyes returns. “I don’t think so,” he replies lowly. “Just tired.” 

“I did,” David blurts out, biting his lip apprehensively. “Want to die, I mean.”

“What did you do?”

“I did nothing,” David shrugs, taking the cigarette from Matteo and looking back out to the street. “I stayed alive, went to a psychologist, and moved on with my life.”

Matteo hums to signal that he’s listened. He rests his head on David’s shoulder. 

“Is that something you think you’d like as well?” David asks, exhaling out his second drag of smoke. 

“What?” Matteo mumbles, closing his heavy eyes momentarily. David smells good.

“To see a psychologist,” David says, his tone cautious, as if waiting for Matteo to flee. “Or someone like that.”

Matteo’s first reaction is confusion.

“Why?” He asks, rubbing his cheeks against the cotton of David’s shirt. 

“Because you’re scaring the shit out of me,” David blurts, his upper body freezing. Matteo lifts his his head from David’s shoulder and looks into his boyfriend’s wide eyes.

Matteo’s breath stutters. Tears spring to his eyes for the third time that night, and this time, a lump in his throat accompanies it. He takes the burning cigarette from David’s limp fingers and takes a drag. 

“Fucking hell,” David sighs out in exasperation, grabbing the cigarette from Matteo’s lips and stubbing it out firmly away from Matteo. “Will you fucking listen to me?”

Matteo feels his skin burn as he blows out his last exhale of smoke shakily. 

He looks down at the red skin of his bitten fingers. His ears ring, as they often do when he gets overwhelmed. He can’t think anymore, there’s too much, it’s too much-

“I’m sorry,” he gasps, feeling the wetness of the long overdue tears fall onto his cheeks. “Don’t be mad.”

“Fuck,” David sighs again, but this time, his body relaxes. “Shit, no, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

“No,” Matteo argues, unable to stop his vocal chords from speaking. His body is not his own, he’s just inhabiting it. “You should be mad at me, you should just leave me instead of having to deal with this sad sack who’s doing  _ nothing _ with his life-”

“No, shut up,” David whispers desperately, throwing his arms around Matteo’s shoulders and resting his face into Matteo’s neck. “You’re breaking my heart, baby.”

“Sorry,” Matteo whispers, his tears dripping down onto David’s shirt, staining the dark fabric even darker. Matteo watches in fascination as the splashes spread, absorbing in David’s shirt like snowflakes. 

Matteo is ripped out of his fascination as David pulls back abruptly. His eyes meet the familiar warm brown that he fell in love with the moment he laid eyes on them. The warmth is better, it grounds Matteo, makes him float back down into his own body. His mouth tastes of cigarettes, the lump in his throat is almost unbearable, and he’s exhausted. Winter has been ripped away from him so harshly that he can barely breathe. But the thing is, it’s not winter. He doesn't need to be frozen anymore. Especially when the warmth is so beautiful.

_ “Ich liebe dich, _ Matteo,” David whispers, his eyes, his warmth, solid and searching. “And I want you to get help. You deserve to get help.”

“I love you, too,” Matteo whispers back, a choked sob getting stuck in his throat. “I love you so much.”

“You need to learn to love yourself too,” David replies, reaching up with gentle fingers to wipe the tears from Matteo’s cheeks. “I can help you with that, but please,  _ please.” _

_ Please. _

He’d begged his mother to get out of bed for the umpteenth time, to make him dinner because he was starving and hadn’t eaten in hours. He was only eight years old.  _ Please, _ he’d begged. His mother had never listened. She’d just stayed in bed and stared at the wall with dead, cold eyes. 

He gets it now. He gets why she never got out of bed. Why should she?

Why should he?

_ Please, _ the warmth whispers,  _ you deserve to be happy.  _

Matteo takes a deep breath. It’s not winter anymore. 

“Okay.”


	26. “You’re my home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: internalised transphobia, dysphoria, allusions to depression, dissociation, and self-harm. I am not claiming to be an expert on these things, this is simply based off my experiences.
> 
> take care <3

  1. “You’re my home.” 



 

David really wishes that he was cis. 

He wishes that he could wake up and not have to worry about these stupid things; putting on his ridiculously tight binder, using a debit card with the wrong name on it, hoping to  _ God _ that he isn’t ID’ed when he buys alcohol.

But that’s the thing, they’re stupid, but at least he passes well enough in public. 

There’s one thing that he can never change, however. 

It’s the childhood pictures strewn around his parents' house, glaring at him as a reminder that he once was  _ wrong, _ he wasn’t himself. That person in the pictures is not the person that he is now. That person spent their entire childhood pretending to be someone else. That person continued to pretend to be someone else into adolescence, not  because it was fun, but because he couldn’t stand the person that stood in front of him in the mirror. That person wasn’t him. It was a caricature of his greatest fear. 

That’s who his parents see every single time he visits. That’s who his extended family sees. That’s who David ran away from. 

It’s a different person. That person has their own memories, their own childhood that David is completely distant from. That person is someone that Matteo can never see. 

Matteo’s gay. He doesn't like girls. He can’t see David the way other people see him, because if he does, he’ll never look at David the same.

He’ll get the same thinly-veiled attempts at tolerance. He’ll get the  _ you need to stop being so sensitive, I’m trying here!  _ He’ll get the family photos back with the smiling child in front of him that’s supposed to be David. He’ll think that David’s fake, and everything that makes David man is synthetic, just like the testosterone he injects into his thigh every week or the restrictive binder he struggles into every morning. He’ll leave. 

_ “Is being alone so bad?” _ David had asked all those weeks ago, as if he could pretend he was okay with being alone for the rest of his life; as if the demons in his head didn’t devour his mind whenever he was left to his own devices. 

_ “Yeah,” _ Matteo had responded as easily as breathing. 

And of course Matteo was right. David’s thrown himself down the Mariana Trench repeatedly, and he’s only just been able to crawl his way out, thanks to Matteo.

And now, as he walks home from his parents’, he is at the bottom again. It’s dark, empty, and if he squints closely, the sharp-toothed monsters bite into his skin, flailing him alive until he’s curled on the floor, waiting to die. 

He walks up to Matteo’s apartment in a daze, not feeling the temperature change on his bare arms into the stifling staircase. David rubs the old scars on his wrist absentmindedly. They sting.

Matteo opens the door, a warm smile on his face. His hair is a mess, and his eyes are bleary and sleepy. David supposes he’s just woken up from a nap. He’s beautiful. 

“Na?” Matteo murmurs fondly, his voice deep and laced with the remnants of sleep.

“Na,” David mutters quietly, absentmindedly. He only realises that he’s spoken when he feels the vibration in his throat.

Matteo holds out his arms and collapses against David as soon as he’s close enough. 

“Missed you,” Matteo whispers into the crook of David’s neck. Normally, this action would make him shiver, but David doesn't feel a thing. “Did you have a good time with your parents?”

A lump forms at the bottom of David’s throat, blocking any words from coming out of it. 

He should lie. He should lie and tell Matteo that everything was fine, that his parents were nice, and that he’d missed Matteo too. None of that is really a lie. His parents were okay, he supposes, in that passive-aggressive,  _ we tolerate your life-decision _ tone. 

He tries, but he can’t. He can’t lie to Matteo like this. The words get caught in his throat, as if his very vocal cords are telling him not to lie to the boy he loves. 

David lets out a shuddering breath, and nuzzles into the warmth of Matteo’s neck. Despite the too-warm summer air, there is nowhere else David would rather be in the world. 

Matteo freezes in David’s arms, pulling back at the too-long silence.

“Baby?” Matteo asks, his tone hushed and careful, walking on eggshells. 

David collapses at those words, straight into Matteo’s arms.

_ Babybabybaby- _

He lets out shuddering breaths, uneven, harsh. He can’t speak, can’t cry, can’t do anything.  _ He’s done. _

“Fuck,” Matteo whispers, wrapping his arms tightly around David’s shoulders in order to support the extra weight. “Baby, come here, it’s okay.”

He takes David’s duffel bag and slings it over his shoulder without breaking the hug, and then practically carries David into the apartment, to his room. 

It’s the only safe place in the world.

It gives David at least a little bit of comfort, tones down some of the numbness that seeps straight down to his bones. 

Matteo drops the bag with a dull  _ thud,  _ and guides them to his bed. 

David falls down with Matteo, landing on the soft and comfortable sheets. 

He nuzzles his nose into the crook of Matteo’s neck. 

“What is it?” Matteo asks, his voice so soft and sweet. 

David opens his mouth and almost chokes on the stifling air that enters his lungs. “I- I just,” David takes in a gasp. “Why did it have to be like this?”

“What?” Matteo wonders quietly, running his hand soothingly down David’s back.

“Why did I have to choose to be like this?” David takes in another shuddering breath.

“What? You mean be yourself?” Matteo turns his head as best as he can to face David properly. 

“I was born someone else,” David whispers, his voice thick. In the midst of the numbness is a sliver of pain that chokes him right in his throat. “I’m not that person. I never was. I was just pretending.”

“You don’t have to pretend anymore,” Matteo reminds him gently.

“I know,” David sighs out longingly. “But they don’t realise that. You’ll come to realise that too, eventually, and you’ll leave.”

“Who, your parents?” 

“Mhmm,” David nods in confirmation.

“Maybe they do,” Matteo concedes, placing a small kiss in David’s hair. “Maybe they can go fuck themselves, I don’t know. But I know you, the  _ real _ you. That’s never going to change.”

“The real me?” David repeats in a whisper, finally moving to look up at Matteo, who has never looked more sincere in the entire time David’s known him.

“Yeah, the real you,” Matteo replies, brushing a stray strand of hair out of David’s eyes. “The boy that I fell for the very first time I saw him; the one with the beautiful smile, and the gorgeous eyes, who loves me for me, who’s a total sore loser-”

“Hey,” David interrupts, slapping Matteo’s chest lightly. “That’s not true.”

Matteo smiles. He leans in a presses a kiss to the corner of David’s mouth, and then, to his lips. 

“There we go,” Matteo whispers as he pulls back. David chases his lips. “That’s the real you. Nothing’s ever going to change that, okay?”

David fidgets slightly. “Even if I wasn’t always the real me?”

“You’re my home,” Matteo replies simply. David’s stomach flutters. “You. David Schreibner. The  _ boy _ I fell in love with. Because I’m like, really fucking gay-”

“Okay,” David giggles, unable to help himself. He cuts Matteo off with a gentle kiss. “Okay fine.”

Matteo pulls back, flopping onto his back dramatically. “Oh Matteo! I love you too!” he calls out mockingly, throwing his arm over his face. 

“Dork,” David snorts, pushing Matteo’s arm gently away so that he can lean down and kiss him. “I love you too,” he murmurs between slow, sweet kisses. Matteo smiles against his lips. 

“Whatever it is,” Matteo says softly as they part again, moving David’s hair from his forehead delicately. “We’ll deal with it. I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

“Okay.”

  
  



	27. “Did you-”

  1. “Did you-” 



 

Matteo’s honestly more than worried about David’s posture.

He’s sat on their bed, completely leaned over his sketchbook. His pencil is moving rapidly in his hands and the only sound that fills Matteo’s dim room is the light scratching on paper. 

“Babe?” Matteo asks quietly, reaching out to place a light hand on David’s hip from where he’s lying.

David tilts his head up, and then seems to notice just how horrible his posture is, because he rolls his shoulders back and winces.

“Yeah? David replies just as quietly as he straightens his back, twisting it at the spine so that-

_ Crunch. _

David lets out a shocked grunt at the loud noise, and then sighs out in relief.

“Did you-” Matteo lets out a shocked laugh, sitting up so that he can see David better. “Jesus Christ babe, that sounded painful.”

“Nah,” David murmurs, rolling his neck carefully. He winces. “I’m used to it.”

“You’re in pain,” Matteo points out, and it’s not even an argument. He places his hands gently on David’s shoulders and begins to massage them.

David leans back into the touch, humming. “It’s not always this bad,” he breathes out, letting it hitch as Matteo digs his fingers in a little harder. 

“This happens often?” Matteo wonders, rubbing his thumbs in circles near the base of David’s neck.

“The perks of squeezing your ribs everyday for up to ten hours,” David chuckles without humour. His hair tickles Matteo’s face, and Matteo blows it out of the way cheekily.

“That sounds unhealthy,” Matteo remarks hesitantly, placing a small kiss on David’s neck to replace where his hands had just been. His fingers trail down to David’s shoulder blades and David leans back into the soft kisses.

“It’s actually the healthiest option for me,” David responds, his voice slightly breathy as Matteo begins to deepen his kisses, travelling towards the side of his neck. 

“Fair,” Matteo murmurs, bracing his upper torso as he takes the brunt of David’s weight against it.

The conversation is soon lost to more- ahem- important matters.

 

It only really comes into fruition again when he and David have just run for the bus, having just jumped in as the doors had closed. 

Matteo would like to say that he’s active, but honestly, who is he kidding? He pants out as he and David head down the bus to look for a seat, wiping the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. Fuck this hot weather, honestly.

David trails a little further behind him, and to Matteo’s surprise, he’s also panting.

Obviously David isn’t superman, and he can’t just exercise forever without getting slightly tired, but normally short runs like this wouldn’t faze him. Matteo tries to brush it off, chalking it down to the summer heat.

When they finally find places to sit near the back of the bus, David continues to pant, even though Matteo has stopped. Matteo turns toward his boyfriend.

“Babe,” he asks quietly, nudging David’s knee with his own to get his boyfriend’s attention. “You okay?”

David’s breaths are shallow in his chest, and his brows are furrowed slightly in concern. He grimaces as Matteo’s knee makes contact with his own. 

“Hurts to breathe,” David responds. He wraps his arms lightly around his midsection. 

“What?” Matteo freezes, turning so that he’s facing David to the best of his abilities given their seats. “What’s going on?”

“Fuck,” David curses under his breath, rolling his eyes. “It’s nothing, this happens sometimes.”

“Not breathing?” Matteo demands, searching for David's eyes so that he can meet them. David doesn't look his way. “That’s really scary.”

“It happens to me,” David retorts, and then curses again, seemingly realising his standoffish tone. “It hasn’t happened in awhile,” he says, softening his tone and meeting Matteo’s gaze with guilty eyes. “When you restrict your rib cage too much the blood vessels can expand and fuck with your lungs.”

“Shit,” Matteo swears under his breath, reaching out to place a tentative hand on David’s thigh to comfort him. “You should take it off then.”

“Yeah, I want to,” David says, taking in a more even, however still shallow breath. “It’s hurting my ribs too much. I just won’t be able to go out with the boys tonight.”

“We’ll cancel,” Matteo replies without hesitation, looking out the window to see how close they are to his place. “Movie night tonight, just the two of us?”

David laughs, and then winces as his torso jostles at the movement. Matteo winces in sympathy. 

“Movie night, huh?” David teases, leaning back so that he can give Matteo his intense  _ I’m totally checking out  _ stare. “Netflix and chill?”

“Maybe,” Matteo teases right back, not allowing his little shit of a boyfriend to win their little ongoing teasing competition. “But mainly just to relax.”

“You sure?” David asks, his smile gone as he bites his lower lip apprehensively. “You were looking forward to seeing the guys though. So was I.”

Matteo shrugs. “I’ll just tell them you’re not feeling well,” he says nonchalantly, rubbing his hand  still on David’s lower thigh comfortingly. “We can see them another time.”

David smiles, blinking slowly. “How are you real?” he wonders, shaking his head in disbelief.

“How am I real?” Matteo parrots back teasingly, looking up and pretending to think for a second.

He leans forward and places a soft kiss to David’s lips, everyone else on the bus be damned. 

“This real enough for you?” Matteo murmurs as he pulls away, reaching up with his free hand to caress David’s cheek.

“Hm.” David makes the noise in the back of his throat. He leans in to press his forehead against Matteo’s. “I don’t think I can tell quite yet.”

Matteo chuckles and leans in once more.

They miss their stop. David insists that it’s Matteo’s fault. Matteo insists that David’s full of shit. (They both know it’s Matteo’s fault)

 


	28. “Truth or dare.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning for a lil bit of blood, recreational alcohol/marijuana use, and teenage boy idiocy

  1. “Truth or dare.” 



 

It wasn’t as if anyone meant to get hurt.

Honestly. 

As much as David believes the Matteo and his friends happen to share one collective braincell, he knows they really don’t mean to be stupid on purpose.

It was originally Abdi’s idea, to play truth or dare. And well, here they were.

“Matteo,” Abdi says, smirking evilly at David’s boyfriend. “Truth or dare?”

“Dare,” Matteo replies from his spot cuddled into David’s shoulder, his voice quiet and defiant.

Abdi, Carlos, and Jonas all exchange glances, unable to keep their evil smiles to themselves. David reckons Matteo’s fucked. 

“I dare you to…” Abdi trails off, seemingly in deep thought. David honours his commitment. 

Adbi’s eyes land on the half-eaten package of sour Haribo gummies next to him, and he grins wide.

“I dare you to snort the sugar from this pack of Haribo,” Abdi says, wiggling his eyebrows teasingly.

“Yo!” Jonas snorts drunkenly, taking a sip of his beer. Carlos laughs along with him.

Matteo looks at David, his eyebrows raised challengingly. 

David knows full well this is not going to end well, but he can’t even help himself. Okay,  _ maybe  _ he’s a little bit high at the moment. He blames his boyfriend entirely. His heads spins slightly but he smiles at Matteo nonetheless. 

“You’re an adult,” David shrugs. “You can decide for yourself.”

Matteo steels his gaze back onto Abdi, and then the bag of Haribo.

“You’re on,” Matteo says, much too seriously for a game of truth or dare.

  
  


A few minutes, a line of sour Haribo sugar later, and Matteo’s on the ground clutching his bloody nose. 

“Jesus Christ,” David says as he leans down to help Matteo off the ground. “You’re an idiot.”

“Love you too,” Matteo murmurs sarcastically, wiping his nose grossly, smearing some blood onto his cheek. At least the bleeding has stopped.

David smiles despite himself, as he helps Matteo sit back up on the couch. Once they’re settled, Matteo sinks down the couch, his head falling down onto David’s lap.

“Dude!” David groans out, pushing Matteo’s head so that none of the blood gets on his pants. “Don’t get your bloody Haribo-sugar all over me!”

“Hm,” Matteo pouts, but turns so that the back of his head is resting against David’s thighs instead, keeping his bloody nose well away from his pants.

“Why did you even let him do that?” Jonas asks with a chuckle, seemingly having calmed down slightly from his roaring laughter just minutes ago.

“I don’t own him,” David shrugs carelessly, leaning back against the couch cushion. To his right, Carlos sparks up another joint, and David makes grabby hands towards it once his friend has finished taking a drag.

“No,” Carlos says as he hands David the joint, blowing out the smoke from his mouth. “But like, you’re way more responsible than him, shouldn’t you like- I don’t know- advise him whenever he makes bad decisions?”

“I can hear you,” Matteo deadpans from David’s lap, rolling his eyes. David laughs, taking a drag from the joint. 

“Nah, he’s fine,” David says, not particularly wanting to get defensive about how smart his boyfriend really is, especially since none of them are particularly sober. “Besides, I’m not that responsible either.”

“Yeah,” Abdi bites in, reaching out to take the joint from David’s fingers. “But in comparison…”

“I’m still here!” Matteo whines again. This time, David laughs, and he reaches out to run his fingers through Matteo’s messy hair. Matteo hums at the contact. 

“I know, babe,” David replies, leaning down to place a kiss on his forehead gingerly. “Don’t tell the boys,” he whispers in Matteo’s ear, keeping his voice low. “But you’re actually really smart. They’re just being idiots.”

David pulls back, and Matteo smiles, wide and unashamed. David can’t help himself, he leans down and places a kiss onto Matteo’s lips, bloody nose be damned.

Matteo hums again, reaching up to tangle his fingers into David’s hair, obviously wanting to deepen the kiss a little bit. David presses another peck to his lips, and then pulls away, fully aware of their audience. 

“Dude!” Abdi shouts out, a cheeky smile on his face. “Were you two just dirty talking?”

Everyone groans.

“Alter,” Jonas muses, exhaling out his drag from the joint. “You really think they’d do that in front of us?”

“I don’t know,” Abdi shrugs shamelessly. “I mean, I know gay sex works a little differently but I know they’ve already cathetered-”

David lets out a loud laugh at the same time as Matteo lets out another groan of exasperation. 

“Whatever innuendo you’re trying to make,” David giggles, feeling his head get a little bit cloudy again as the weed begins to hit his brain. “We’ve definitely done nothing with catheters.”

“It’s a sex position!” Carlos chimes in unhelpfully. Matteo rolls his eyes. “It’s like, with a girl on top- or I guess in your guyses case it’s whoever’s getting fucked-”

“Oooookay!” David interrupts with a nervous chuckle, cutting Carlos off before he can continue. “I’d honestly rather leave that one up to the imagination, funnily enough.”

“David, truth or dare?” Matteo asks after a beat of silence. Jonas giggles from where he’s sat.

“As long as it has nothing to do with catheters, dare,” David retorts, and then immediately regrets it when he notices the mischievous glint in Matteo’s eyes.

“I dare you to…” Matteo trails off, looking at the boys who seem to also have similar looks in their eyes. “Actually dirty talk in front of the boys.”

“I  _ actually _ hate you.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to prompt me, you can find the original post with the prompts [here](https://unendeligtid.tumblr.com/post/184651743611/prompt-list)  
> ! [here](https://unendeligtid.tumblr.com/)  
> is the link to my tumblr :) Please feel free to prompt me there, or just generally feel free to scream about david and matteo with me bc i am always willing
> 
> Thanks!


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